Crap

It is true that true love can conquer all. It is also true that loving someone can conquer you. I do not believe that fairy tales come true. I do not think that happiness is just around the corner. I have found that opening a present does not mean that you are getting a gift. Sometimes it is best to look at the pretty wrapping and then just put it back. Not everything ends well. Most things don’t. I was told today that happiness is bigger and envelopes the sorrow. I do not believe that. No matter how much happiness you have, it can all be taken away. People die. People leave. People hurt you. You can give everything and it does not mean that it will matter. It does not mean others will care. All of my decisions in life have led me here. Do I like it here? Hell no! Do I wish I was somewhere else, someone else? All the time. I have come to the realization that what I want is not in the cards for me. I am not the “lucky” one. I do not trust my intuition. I do not trust my heart. I no longer think that there is someone out there who will be genuine. I have had a life full of people who tell me things they do not mean. Lies of “good intentions” and hope. I no longer wish to be on the receiving end of these words. I do not want to hear them. Do not open your mouth and tell me things that cannot be. Do not tell me you tried. Trying is blood, sweat, and tears. I see no sweat on your brow. I see no blood on your hands. I see no tears on your cheeks. I am tired of people’s “efforts” to be good and to care. Their efforts are short lived and pathetic. Their efforts have caused me pain. As it always is. And most likely always will be. Love? I don’t even want to hear that word anymore. I want to look at you and if your lips move I do not wish to hear what sound you emit. I do not wish to know how I am not enough. I do not wish to know how I will never be enough. I don’t want to know anything. I wish I never had this knowledge. It eats at my soul and burns my heart. This pain is not worth any joy I may have felt for a fleeting moment. For the joy was not real was it? I would have to say THAT is the truth. The only truth I know. .

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scott Mitchell
    Apr 29, 2012 @ 06:14:43

    Beautiful writing here on your site. Last night in a conversation I said the best place to be, is in the middle. On the middle path, or what have you. Thousands of years of philosophy preaches it and many can not understand it until they look back at the ups and downs. People are like shopaholics. Always needing those spikes of felt pleasure to keep us out of the bottom and even above the middle for short periods. Hmm, I’m really rambling now. Anyway, they say ignorance is bliss.

    I seriously love your poetry and it appears that you just started this site. I hope to see posted.

    Reply

    • Toasha
      Apr 29, 2012 @ 10:03:51

      Thank you Scott! I did just start on here. I seriously love your poems also. They are amazing! I am slowly adding my poems and ramblings on here. It is nice to be somewhere that people actually read what you have written. I like your ramblilng by the way!

      Reply

  2. thescribblingsofamadmind
    Sep 07, 2016 @ 02:24:48

    This makes me cry.

    Reply

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